By Don Napier
A few of our readers have suggested we review The Stagecoach Cafe (just south of Crossville, TN). So, after Church a couple weeks ago, I took the family there for lunch.
We got out of church at 11 and I told my family they could have their choice of Gondola’s, the State Park Restaurant or we would just take chicken home from KFC. The girls voted for Gondola, which is their favorite place to eat. We could not find a place to park which is a pretty good notice that they were full inside. So we headed to choice number two, the State Park. When we got there, parking was also difficult and the line was all the way out the front door.
So, Natalie suggested we go to Stagecoach, saying she had always wanted to try it, and we were right at their front door. It seemed like our only option, unless we wanted to go home have “pot luck.”
We walked into the unique little restaurant at exactly 11:30 a.m., which we thought was pretty early and I thought that perhaps our timing was good. When we arrived we looked around and saw that they did not seat many people in their small dining room. A table of six and one of four were already seated, and we watched as the waitress took their orders. So we knew it might be a little slow because our orders were behind at least 10 others.
Two small tables were put together on the landing for our party of four. After looking at the menus for a short while, we ordered. Personally, I did not see a lot that I could have on their menu which included lots of pasta items. (I do not eat pasta unless it is whole wheat).
My wife decided to be adventurous and ordered an Egglant sandwich which came with cheese and pesto on a Paninni. It was supposed to be hot, but was “mildly warm.” It came with a handful of plain potato chips. Daughter Lyndi ordered a burger that came with an order of hash browns similar to what you get at McDonalds. The only thing unusual about her order was the price ($12), the fact that the beef came from a Bison and the homemade bun, which she did not eat. Daughter Laura ordered a plain garden salad with grilled chicken. I really did not see anything I wanted, so I decided to try something I never had, Eggplant. It was an Eggplant, tomato, onion, feta cheese salad. It came with two small medallions of toasted bread.
We also ordered a pizza which we used as an appetizer for the table. I must say that it was very good and did not take very long to prepare. I do not eat white flour, so I was very pleased when I found out that they could make the pizza crust from whole wheat flour. The pizza was the highlight of the meal.
The wait for the food was excruciatingly painful. We waited, and waited, and waited some more. The chairs were very uncomfortable for me. They were very narrow and hard. I think they were patio furniture. I got up about a dozen times and walked around the small gift studio that is attached, killing time and giving my tail bone a rest.
We went to the car and retrieved the Sunday paper and brought in the sports page. An hour later, we went and got the rest of the paper.
We drank water and at no time did the waitress offer a refill. As we entered our second hour at these little tables, we expected our waitress to stop by and explain what the wait was due to. Maybe they were short-handed or some appliance had broken down. But she never said a word.
As we passed the 90 minute mark, I wanted to just leave, but my wife would never do anything so bold. She said, “we are here, lets just eat our food and not complain.”
I will never understand what took so long. Other than the two sandwiches, the other two orders could have been prepared in a matter of minutes. My salad was called a Entree Salad but was far from a meal. As soon as I walked into my house, I cooked two hamburger patties. When was the last time you walked into your house immediately after dining out and cooked yourself a double cheeseburger? It’s not like it took us a long time to get home, we live about 3 minutes from the restaurant.
The overall meal experience was bad. Even if the food had been outstanding, it would have been ruined by the 1:45 minute wait. I cannot blame our waitress, who is one of the owners. She was totally overwhelmed with setting up tables, taking orders, delivering food, and checking out customers.
About two hours later, we finished our food. It was an experience I can wait a couple decades to repeat. I will, however, order pizza (call in order) from them again.
Just as I was about to escape, my daughter Laura had the audacity to want dessert, choosing a flourless chocolate cake, which she liked very much. (We got it to go!)
My wife recognized that my patience was wearing thin, so she volunteered to pay the check (with my debit card) so I could leave.
I thought back about our choices. In the two hours we spent at Stagecoach, those people who were standing in line at the State Park Restaurant, had time to get to the food bar, get their food, eat it, and get home and take a nap. I decided that I could have ordered my food, driven out to Bear Trace golf course and played nine holes, and still have had time to get back to the restaurant in time to get our food.
I hate to joke about this, but it was a forgettable experience. I understand that their food is prepared fresh and could take a bit longer. But two of our orders were cold salads, which could be plated in two minutes.
Adding insult to injury, the cost for this 120 minutes of pain, totaled an incredible $70!
